As we all know, I love ODU a lot, so there are more than a few things I'm going to miss now that I've graduated. This, I'm sure, will not be the only blog post I spend discussing things I miss. Every day, I come up with more and more things I miss at ODU, so those of you who are fortunate enough to still be students at ODU, enjoy every moment and don't take any of this wonderful school for granted.
This list is in no particular order as I cannot begin to try and compare the many beautiful aspects of Ohio Dominican University I will miss, but I will begin with the part of ODU I know for sure I will miss the most, the very heart of ODU- Christ the King Chapel. I have been so distraught since graduation. I've been crying myself to sleep and trying to figure out what to do with my life. My favorite place to go to cry, think, pray, sit, write, and make decisions over the past four years has been the Chapel. Now that I have left and am entering this new chapter of my life, I find myself needing to be there in that chapel more than ever. The last thing I did before I got into the car to leave ODU was say goodbye the chapel. There were tears. I didn't want to leave. Now, I have nowhere to go in the middle of the night when I need to feel very close to Jesus, when I need to feel comforted by the smell of incense and holy water, when I need to cry by myself, when I need a place to focus my thoughts and prayers, when I need silence to listen to God so that I can handle big life changes and making decisions. I feel so lost now especially in my prayer life. I regret not going to that chapel every free moment I had. I didn't realize until just before graduation what a luxury it is to have a 24/7 chapel right downstairs from my bedroom. I knew I'd miss it a lot, but I didn't know how much until the week before graduation. So to those of you who are still there with the chapel, I advise you to go there as often as possible. Soak it in. Go to Mass as often as you can. Take time to just sit in there and listen. Cry and let Jesus hold you there. Read in there. Reflect in there. Love in there as much as possible and enjoy it while you can.
Of course, I'm also going to miss all my friends at ODU: those who are still there and those who have graduated with and before me. I have met some of the best people I ever known there. Because of these friends, I have grown in faith, love, knowledge, understanding, and so many other areas of my life. My friends at Ohio Dominican make me laugh, cry, smile, think, and love life so much! It's going to be so hard not being able to walk down the hall or across the parking lot to go visit my best friends any time of day when I need a hug, homework help, food, or just someone to talk to. My ODU friends are seriously the best. I know I will keep in touch with most of them, but it's certainly not going to be the same. Living in the residence halls at ODU is like living in a giant house with all of your best friends. We would go eat meals together on a more regular basis than I do with my actual family. We would have homework parties to try to keep each other focused (though we usually just distracted each other further). We would invite each other to go out to places like the grocery store or the mall so we wouldn't have to shop alone. We would borrow each other's dish soap and laundry detergent when one of us ran out. We would sit together at Mass. We would support each other by attending one another's programs and events on campus. We would go on runs together and motivate each other in the fitness center. I am losing a huge support system leaving ODU. I am not only leaving friends, but people I think of as family, because ODU was home for the last 4 and a half years. Moving away from your family and your home is always tough.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Commencement: A Beginning, Not an End
Yesterday, I walked across a stage and graduated from Ohio Dominican University. It is a day that I know was inevitable, but still, hoped would never come. But, alas! It came without my consent. And I confronted this milestone in my life with the attitude of a stubborn child who just doesn't wanna do it.
I have cried more in the past week than I think I have in an entire year. It's strange that my college career began and ended with such intense sad emotions. When I first came to ODU, I made myself physically sick from sadness. I did not want to leave home. I especially did not want to leave my little sister who had nightmares about me going to college and forgetting about her or never coming back. I cried almost every day my first week. My whole first year was hard though, because I was so terribly homesick. I was so happy by Sophomore year though. After summer, I was eager to return to ODU. I had found a happy balance and enjoyed being at home, but also, looked forward to going back to school after breaks. By Senior year though, I found myself happy that I was an RA and was able to return from breaks early and stay in the dorms over breaks if I wanted to. I was absolutely thrilled when I was able to be a summer RA. I thought that it would make graduation more bearable if I had all this extra time at ODU. In some ways, it probably did. Honestly though, I think I just got even more deeply attached to the school.
I am sitting at home now and I feel so incomplete, like I left something very important behind. It took all of my strength not to just cry continuously all day. There were so many moments where I caught myself tearing up and had to suppress it, because I knew that once I started to let myself cry, I'd be sobbing all day and there would be no consoling me.
This graduation has been, by far, one of the hardest experiences I have ever had to go through. I have known for more than 4 years that this day was coming, but I still was not prepared for it all. I knew I would be sad, but I had no idea how sad. It just kept hitting me more and more until I woke up this morning and it all sunk it. This might be the last time I wake up in an ODU residence hall. This might be the last time I shower in an ODU shower. It felt so unreal. I wanted to deny it was happening. I went through my whole day just trying not to think about it, living in denial, but every time someone congratulated me or hugged or asked me how I was doing, all I could say was "I am so sad". Nearly everyone's response to that was a very empathetic "I know".
I love Ohio Dominican so very much. No one was very surprised that I spent my whole day trying not to cry. And no one was offended when I didn't want to hangout, because I needed to be alone to cry and being around people would only remind me further of what I'd be missing out on when I graduated. It is no surprise to anyone that I am more heartbroken about leaving ODU than I have ever been in my entire life. Ohio Dominican University has somehow become the place I think of when I hear the word "home". It is where I lived, worked, studied, prayed, loved, played, cried, laughed, sang, danced, ate, slept, and enjoyed for the past 4 and a half years. My life for the past few years kind of revolved around ODU. Living on campus, I had everything I ever needed: God, friends, food, a place to lay my head, love. There is nowhere else that gave me the sense of belonging that Ohio Dominican provided me with. There is nowhere I felt more at home than I do at ODU. But now, I have to leave home and go out into the real world where life isn't as easy and fun and love is not always going to be so readily available to me.
On one hand, I hate that I feel this way. Of course, I don't want to be sad. On the other hand, I love how much I love ODU. I love how emotionally attached I am to this place. Ohio Dominican has given my life so much meaning and purpose. I have grown in so many incredible ways since I started school there. And I would not trade that experience for the world.
So I need to accept this end as a beginning. As Bishop Campbell and Mr. Kurtin told us today, commencement, though treated like an end, is actually a beginning. I will admit that I do not like beginnings very much. I've never handled big life changes very well. But I was sick and sad when I began my time at ODU and, now, I am sick and sad that I have to leave. I need to see this new beginning as a good thing. Even though it's beginning with a sadness, the next four years of my life could very well turn out to be even better than my years at ODU were. While I doubt this now, I certainly can't deny the possibility. After all, I did not expect my last few years to be nearly as amazing as they were and, yet, God worked so well in these four years through the school making me fall in love with Him and ODU more than I ever imagined possible.
I have cried more in the past week than I think I have in an entire year. It's strange that my college career began and ended with such intense sad emotions. When I first came to ODU, I made myself physically sick from sadness. I did not want to leave home. I especially did not want to leave my little sister who had nightmares about me going to college and forgetting about her or never coming back. I cried almost every day my first week. My whole first year was hard though, because I was so terribly homesick. I was so happy by Sophomore year though. After summer, I was eager to return to ODU. I had found a happy balance and enjoyed being at home, but also, looked forward to going back to school after breaks. By Senior year though, I found myself happy that I was an RA and was able to return from breaks early and stay in the dorms over breaks if I wanted to. I was absolutely thrilled when I was able to be a summer RA. I thought that it would make graduation more bearable if I had all this extra time at ODU. In some ways, it probably did. Honestly though, I think I just got even more deeply attached to the school.
I am sitting at home now and I feel so incomplete, like I left something very important behind. It took all of my strength not to just cry continuously all day. There were so many moments where I caught myself tearing up and had to suppress it, because I knew that once I started to let myself cry, I'd be sobbing all day and there would be no consoling me.
This graduation has been, by far, one of the hardest experiences I have ever had to go through. I have known for more than 4 years that this day was coming, but I still was not prepared for it all. I knew I would be sad, but I had no idea how sad. It just kept hitting me more and more until I woke up this morning and it all sunk it. This might be the last time I wake up in an ODU residence hall. This might be the last time I shower in an ODU shower. It felt so unreal. I wanted to deny it was happening. I went through my whole day just trying not to think about it, living in denial, but every time someone congratulated me or hugged or asked me how I was doing, all I could say was "I am so sad". Nearly everyone's response to that was a very empathetic "I know".
I love Ohio Dominican so very much. No one was very surprised that I spent my whole day trying not to cry. And no one was offended when I didn't want to hangout, because I needed to be alone to cry and being around people would only remind me further of what I'd be missing out on when I graduated. It is no surprise to anyone that I am more heartbroken about leaving ODU than I have ever been in my entire life. Ohio Dominican University has somehow become the place I think of when I hear the word "home". It is where I lived, worked, studied, prayed, loved, played, cried, laughed, sang, danced, ate, slept, and enjoyed for the past 4 and a half years. My life for the past few years kind of revolved around ODU. Living on campus, I had everything I ever needed: God, friends, food, a place to lay my head, love. There is nowhere else that gave me the sense of belonging that Ohio Dominican provided me with. There is nowhere I felt more at home than I do at ODU. But now, I have to leave home and go out into the real world where life isn't as easy and fun and love is not always going to be so readily available to me.
On one hand, I hate that I feel this way. Of course, I don't want to be sad. On the other hand, I love how much I love ODU. I love how emotionally attached I am to this place. Ohio Dominican has given my life so much meaning and purpose. I have grown in so many incredible ways since I started school there. And I would not trade that experience for the world.
So I need to accept this end as a beginning. As Bishop Campbell and Mr. Kurtin told us today, commencement, though treated like an end, is actually a beginning. I will admit that I do not like beginnings very much. I've never handled big life changes very well. But I was sick and sad when I began my time at ODU and, now, I am sick and sad that I have to leave. I need to see this new beginning as a good thing. Even though it's beginning with a sadness, the next four years of my life could very well turn out to be even better than my years at ODU were. While I doubt this now, I certainly can't deny the possibility. After all, I did not expect my last few years to be nearly as amazing as they were and, yet, God worked so well in these four years through the school making me fall in love with Him and ODU more than I ever imagined possible.
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